The Highs of the Squints
by queenofthelooneybin
Summary: A series of one-shots about the squint squads exploration of  recreational drugs. R&R please! Crack-fic...literally!
1. Chapter 1

Note: This work was inspired by 'Crackfics, Literally' by the wonderfully awesome Muffins taste good. Without their story, this one wouldn't be possible. So hats off her Muffins and read her story. It is tons better than this one.

Now, onto Drugs? WTF?

Yeah I'm not crazy about the title either. Suggestions are welcome

Set in Season Five-ish

Xxx

Prologue

It began with a pan of brownies.

Fisher, the resident emo boy, had gotten them from a friend, Dora, just before she had mysteriously left town. She had given him a pan of special brownies. By sheer bad luck, a human head was found in her freezer a day after she left. But that is another story.

In a not-so rare moment of stupidity, Fisher had put the brownies in his bag and went to work. When he saw Agent Booth, he ran for it and hid the brownies in the fridge. Booth refused to go near the fridge, ever since a particularly scarring incident involving a piece of moldy cheese and old milk. Hodgins had needed to hide for a few days after that. Fisher had put them in the way back and forgotten them. Soon, he had become too emo to function and had to take a leave of absence. The brownies sat there until someone found them. It was the last person that anyone would suspect.

This seemed to spark a flood of incidents that had no consequences sans hangovers. They included OOC behavior, broken objects, some mental scarring, minor physical injury and of course drama. That appears to be the gang's main talent. Besides, you know, science, solving murders and all that stuff.

Chapter One: Clark and the Magic Brownies

There had been a lot of weird incidents at the Medico-Legal Lab over the years. Like a few faked deaths, some explosions, ex-husbands showing up, kidnappings, the usual workplace drama at least at the Jeffersonian. But what occurred one October afternoon just knocked all that out of the water.

Hodgins ran into Angela's office, paler than usual. "Um…Ange? There's a problem with Clark."

"What is it now? Did he tell you to shut up?" Angela asked, not looking up from her computer.

"No."

"Did he quit?"

"No."

"Did he finally snap and bang Wendell?"

"I wish. Just come with me. You have to see this."

Bored with work, Angela followed Hodgins down the hall. They stopped at his office. There was a door wedged under the handle. Angela raised an eyebrow. "You'll see."

They peeked in slowly. Clark was sitting on the floor. His disturbingly shaped head was titled back and his eyes were sort of focused on the ceiling. He was softly giggling and his hands weaved through the air. There were a lot of brown crumbs on his lab coat and brown frosting was smeared all over his face.

A scary image, no?

"What the hell?" Angela muttered. Clark heard her and did a very creepy head turn. His head was still titled, which just looked really weird. He began to laugh even louder, sounding like one of the hyenas from The Lion King. Angela jumped right into Hodgins' arms. "What the hell?" she asked, in shock.

"You sound funny," Clark giggled and fell over.

"I thought the same thing. What the hell? Not that you sound funny," Hodgins said.

"I want to make cookies!" Clark suddenly screamed.

"What?" Angela asked.

"Cookies! And chips! Oooh…AND TACOS!"

"Sounds like he has the munchies," Hodgins laughed. Angela went over to Clark and was able to grab his head. "Look at his pupils." Hodgins joined her. "He's high."

"On what?"

"Pot."

"How? Wouldn't we smell the smoke?"

"Those are brownie crumbs on his coat."

"Do you really think someone was dumb enough to bring pot brownies to work?"

They exchanged a look that said of course.

"Who do you think it was?"

"Fisher. Could explain why he's been gone for so long."

"What's going on?" Cam suddenly appeared. "Why is Clark rolling around and laughing? Why aren't you working?"

"Uh…Clark is sick?" Angela weakly smiled.

Cam just glared at them. "That was weak guys. What's really going on?" She walked over to Clark. He looked up and squeaked. His eyes got bigger and he scrambled away to hide under the desk. There was a long, awkward pause before Hodgins blurted out the truth.

"Really? Why at work? Dammit, Booth and Brennan are on their way. We can't have a stoned intern in the same building as a federal agent. What are we going to do?" Cam ranted.

"Limbo," Angela suggested.

"Great idea!" Cam went over to the desk and hauled Clark out. She was surprisingly strong. They all walked out of the room, trying to look normal and nearly succeeding. That was shot to hell when Clark saw a cookie in the trash and tried to grab it. While Hodgins wrestled him away, Cam saw Booth coming and flung Clark into the storage closet where people went to have sex. Lucky for them, it was empty.

"Are you guys okay?" Booth asked the three squints when he came upon them.

"Never better!"

xxx

Note: Yes, it's not the best, but I lost half the chapter and had to pull the rest out of nowhere. Review! Suggestions are welcome.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: This work was inspired by the Criminal Minds story, 'Crackfics, Literally' by the wonderfully awesome Muffins taste good. Without their story, this one wouldn't be possible. So hats off her Muffins and read her story. It is tons better than this one

I own nothing. Not even any drugs.

xxx

**Chapter Two****: Daisy, Vincent and the magic mushrooms**

Daisy Wick isn't stupid.

Probably.

And neither was Vincent Nigel-Murray.

He was weird (but who isn't?) and she need to start popping some Ritalin, but they couldn't been totally stupid. Or how else how did they get and keep their jobs at the Jeffersonian? Or in Daisy's case, how did she keep coming back? (Seriously, how did she get to come back all those times? I'm wondering)

So how the hell did they end up ingesting magic mushrooms at ten in the morning?

That was a mystery, and would remain so for the rest of time. Well Hodgins and Angela knew how. The evidence had been found in the victim's backpack and had been set on a tray. Some hapless background character had started to take the tray to Hodgins and had been sidetracked by a phone call. He had left the tray of mushrooms in the break room. The two squinterns had wandered in, hungry after sifting through the sludge. So they had gobbled up the first thing they saw.

Which happened to be the magic shrooms.

When Hodgins had realized he hadn't received his evidence, he went looking for it. He found an empty tray and two high young adults.

Daisy was curled into a ball on the floor, staring at the ground and muttering. Vincent was standing on a chair, eyes on the lights.

"It's moving!" he cried and tried to grab the light. "I must have it!"

"I can see the dirt! I can see the dirt!" Daisy chanted.

Hodgins didn't know what to think at first. He just watched them for a little while, wondering if their behavior was their normal state or if they were high. With Daisy, it was hard to tell. Vincent seemed a bit out of character, but it didn't occur to Hodgins until Daisy sat up and all but screamed:

"I CAN SEE TIME!"

Then, it hit him.

Shrooms.

He had taken them a couple times in college and had done crazy shit. Not that he could remember any of it, but there was a tape of him running around, saying he could see everything and that he had learned the meaning of life from what he had seen.

So he went and got Angela, who nearly fell over laughing. She too had seen people on shrooms and thought this was the greatest thing she had ever seen.

"What are we going to do?" Hodgins asked as Daisy examined a jar of grape jelly and Vincent laughed for a reason only known to him.

"I don't know…" Angela muttered. "We can't tell Cam. She'll kill them."

"Yeah, I mean she was pretty pissed when Clark ate all those brownies."

"We could hide them in Limbo."

"No, that won't work. They could get into the bones."

"Good point."

Daisy was now eating the jelly and Vincent had now made his way over to Hodgins and Angela.

"You're really short. Like a member of the Lollipop Guild," he said to Hodgins. Angela giggled. "And your head is really big." Vincent moved on to Angela, who glared at him. "I can count the hairs in your beard…" Vincent said and grabbed Hodgin's head. "1, 2, 3, 4."

"What's going on?"

They jumped. It was Cam again.

"Um….we don't know. We just got here," Hodgins lied.

"36, 37, 38."

"What was it this time?" Cam asked.

"I think mushrooms," Angela braved to speak.

"Why is this happening?" Cam face-palmed. "Look, just get them out of here. Take them somewhere, where no one can see them and they can't cause any trouble."

So Hodgins and Angela took the still flying squinterns to the library.

Once again the day was saved.

Xxx

Review!

Just so you know, I take requests.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: Just had to happen. I was watching 'Bones' again and this came up. Please don't kill me

Sorry it's so short

Any 'Criminal Minds' fans? The actor who plays Wendell (name has escaped me) was on last week and he played a bad guy! Throughout the whole episode, I was screaming 'NO WENDELL, DON'T DO IT! NOOOO!'

My family has since started discussing putting me in a padded cell.

Note: This work was inspired by the Criminal Minds story, 'Crackfics, Literally' by the wonderfully awesome Muffins taste good. Without their story, this one wouldn't be possible. So hats off her Muffins and read her story. It is tons better than this one

Xxx

**Sweets and the Meth Wall**

When Angela got the call, she fell over laughing.

It had happened again.

Sweets, Wendell and Hodgins had gone to a club for their guys' night. Sweets was the designated driver, so he stuck to water while the other guys went onto the dance floor and tried to get with various women. On his way to the bathroom, he had nearly gotten swept into a rather violent fight between two women. Something about a man named Josh and baby daddies. One of the women picked up a chair and swung it at the wall. The wall had exploded and fairy dust had sprinkled the crowd, including Sweets and Hodgins.

When Angela got there, Hodgins was at the bar, passed out. Sweets was running around, Wendell following him. Apparently the club's manager had kept a stash of his product in the wall and had not factored in the wall breaking.

"I can fly!" he declared.

"No, you can't," Wendell sighed.

"Screw you!"

Sweets was running around the tables now, waving his arms like an idiot. Wendell was following, his face starting to flush from the effort and annoyance that was running through his system. It would only worse from here, Angela told him gleefully. There was no body to keep them here and she had taken it upon herself to take Hodgins home. This left Wendell with Sweets, who didn't look like he was going to slow down any time soon.

After a lot of coaxing, Wendell got Sweets out of the club. They had walked from the Metro, a descion Wendell now regretted. Sweets was still flying and he wouldn't shut up.

"ICE CREAM!" he screamed when he saw a Baskin Robbins. He ran across the street, arms in the air. Wendell followed, sighing. It was going to be a long night.

When he caught up with his friend, Sweets had jumped behind the counter and had lifted the tub of ice cream out. The clerk looked terrified and nearly fell over when she saw Wendell.

"Call 911! This crazy guy just jumped in here and started eating the Rocky Road!" she babbled.

"He isn't crazy, he's a shrink."

"I fail to see the difference."

Xxx

This will be edited one day I swear.

And to Awesome Socks: Sure! *skips off to Vegas*


	4. Chapter 4

Note: Sorry for not updating sooner! I broke my wrist a couple weeks ago and I won't be able to type for a while. So I'm having someone else type it for me.

Guess what? I'm engaged! *Does a little dance* He knows I'm a fangirl. He's seen my fangirl moments.

I'm so happy!

Whoot whoot!

Had to share that!

Note: This work was inspired by the Criminal Minds story, 'Crackfics, Literally' by the wonderfully awesome Muffins taste good. Without their story, this one wouldn't be possible. So hats off her Muffins and read her story. It is tons better than this one

Xxx

**The Magic Pills Part One**

At least this time there was a reason.

Revenge.

Cam had axed an intern and on her way out, she had stopped by the kitchen to get her final revenge. So she grabbed a little baggie from her bag and emptied the contents into the milk, orange juice, water, you name it. She didn't stick around for the final result. Didn't need to. It would probably end up on Youtube anyway.

Xxx

**Brennan and Arastoo**

He had only left her alone for forty five minutes, an hour at the most.

Booth had left a file at the Hoover building and really had to go back for it. Brennan had assured him that she would be fine and would stay at the lab. She needed a cup of coffee anyway.

When Booth got back, everything had changed. He went to the break room and drank some water. Then he went to his partner's office. Inside…

Brennan was hugging Clark and rambling.

"You are such a good intern Clark! I mean you are a really good intern. You always find something out and you can keep your mouth shut." Clark looked like he was about to cry. "You are so pretty. I love you." Over her shoulder, Clark mouthed 'help me'.

"Bones, what are you doing?" Booth asked.

"I'm giving Clark a hug," she said in a duh voice. "Would you like one too?"

Booth ran away. This was so weird, like he had fallen into the Twilight Zone. When he got to the main area, he almost fainted.

Well, I'm hot blooded, check it and see  
I got a fever of a hundred and three  
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?  
I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded

Arastoo was sitting on a gurney, singing at the top of his lungs. He didn't have any pants on. Angela was running down the hall, a chair in her hands. Hodgins was standing by his office door, holding a long stick.

"What the hell is going on?" Booth yelled.

"I have no idea!" Hodgins yelled and poked an intern away from him. This intern wore a lab coat and shorts. That was all. Clothes were everywhere. Half naked interns were climbing all over each other. It was scary. Only Hodgins and Angela seemed to be okay.

"We need to do something!" Angela yelled. "I locked a few interns in the broom closet and I'm trying to round them up in Limbo!"

"Now its up to you, we can make a secret rendezvous, Just me and you, Ill show you lovin like you never knew!" Arastoo sang. They all stared at him, and turned back to the matter at hand. Just then Clark ran up to them, eyes wild with fear.

"I'm getting the hell out here!" he cried.

"Good idea," Booth nodded and Clark ran for it.

Brennan ran up to Booth, thankfully stilled mostly clothed. She wrapped her arms around him.

"Booth, I love you!"

Then, she grabbed his face and kissed him. Booth felt a warm fuzzy feeling and kissed her back. Suddenly he didn't care that there were half naked interns crawling all over each other and that Arastoo was singing (and ruining a good song). All he wanted was Brennan.

"Let's get married!" Booth declared after a really long kiss!

"Okay!" Brennan grabbed his hand. "C'mon, let's go to Vegas!"

They skipped away merrily.

"Should we stop them?" Hodgins asked.

"Stop them and I'll hit you with a chair," Angela growled.


End file.
